Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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