After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
