home. puking in laundry basket.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
