yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize