i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
