Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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