Quick, to the slutcave!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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