PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
