Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
