I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
