I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
