I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
