If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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