This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
