therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
