Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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