he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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