Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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