SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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