dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
