he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
