True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
