Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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