apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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