Jerry, you need to find god
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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