i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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