i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
