I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
