Can i not drive my cunt home
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
