happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
