I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
