If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
