I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
