i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
