I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize