I'm going to jail i love you
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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