Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
