I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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