so explain again why im purple
no
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
