I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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