he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
