hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
