glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
