he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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