Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize