You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
