he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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