I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
