Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
