why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
