I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize