Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize