You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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