Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
