We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
