:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
