Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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