i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
