I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
