mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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