You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
