All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
