Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
