bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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